Manifestation of love is the highest form of maturity and yet love has always been an enigma for many. It often requires compassion, patience, and adjustment. If one is not willing to make adjustments, it reflects badly on the relationship. Marriage is a holy institution that demands ample communication, a few sacrifices, and heaps of unconditional love. The following article discusses about how one can lead a happy and content marital life.
Falling in and out of love
Love is destined to be eternal and marriage is meant to last forever. At least, that’s what we all want to believe. When we get married, we have conviction to make the rosy times last for eternity. Believing that things will remain stable and healthy between the two, couples continue to live on happily. But sometimes, they tend to take this harmony for granted. When life throws in complications, monotony and insipidness, what happens to marriages? The ’forever’ seems to approach much faster than expected and the bliss goes out of the window.
When we fall in love, we generally think that it is all that we need to be happy. But reality hits us hard when we experience that first heated argument with the person who we thought would always remain on the same page as us. We now know that our partner is not perfect. And, neither are we. What can make things ugly is the high level of expectation from your spouse, while you alone are not willing to work on yourself.
Many of us don’t have realistic expectations and don’t know how to make things work. It is best to express love and concern, give your spouse the benefit of the doubt, and talk!
Even if you are upset, do not shut yourself out. At first, it may seem the right thing to do, as you want to refrain from saying hurtful things that you may regret later, but gradually you will realize that this behavior will make it harder to resolve arguments. There will be a time when your spouse will stop trying and forgiveness will be difficult. Matters can start getting ugly when fighting becomes a regular affair and no one makes that extra effort to put an end to it.
It is these testing times that compel us to question love and matrimony. We start seeking solutions to personal problems and wish to turn back in time. At that point, what you actually need to do is revisit the happy moments and ask yourself – will I ever be that happy again? And the answer is yes. You can be happier and can make your marriage work beautifully. All it takes is hard work and commitment. A marriage does not succeed on its own; you have to work on it. Like a flower that does not bloom on its own and needs to be watered and looked after on a regular basis, marriages too need nurturing.
We all want to be heard, appreciated, respected and valued. Keeping this in mind, hear out what your spouse has to say, appreciate them, and tell them that you love them and whatever they do. Communication is the key to a healthy married life. So, here are a few simple tips that will hopefully help you bring back the love and re-create your paradise.
Spend quality time together – Spend more time together than you usually do. Sit down face-to-face and have an uninterrupted discussion about how the day was and what you did with your time, no matter how trivial. Even if we don’t admit it, we all want to know what our partners are doing while we are away from them. Whether it is household chores or office gossip, share it with your spouse. Tell him how you burnt the cake you were baking for him or tell her about how your colleague messed up his presentation at work. Small things mean a lot and may bring back the smiles on your faces. Even if there are any complaints, listen and support each other. It is important to devote time and give special attention to what the other person has to say. This builds a special connect and brings you closer.
Express gratitude – Always remember to thank your spouse for what they do for you. We often take things for granted. There are times when certain things demand an effort and are partner does it for us without bragging about it. Be grateful. Your wife may have cooked your favorite dish for dinner and expected some appreciation in return; you not only should praise her culinary skills but also help with the dishes or take her out for ice-cream. Expressing gratitude is a small yet effective way to tell the other person that you notice and appreciate the efforts.
Show empathy – In a relationship, it is obvious that you share your weaknesses and shortcomings with your partner. However, it is ruthless to use this as a weapon against them when they are down and out. One should never draw pleasure from anyone’s pain, especially not your spouse. It is immoral to mock them or recite their mistakes during a fight. You will not only hurt them deeply, but will also leave a sour feeling of breach of trust and lack of understanding. Be kind and express compassion. Tell them they are not alone and you will always be there for them, no matter how bad matters get.
Respond respectfully – Never ignore what your spouse has to say, even if it irrelevant or trivial. Give them the attention they want, and they will give the same respect to you. Even during an argument, you can always put forth your point calmly. Listen out and think. Maybe your spouse is saying something useful. Constructive criticism always helps, so don’t be afraid to hear out your partner and get influenced. It is okay to change your mind. It’s not that you have to lay down your arms all the time, but being right all the time has little worth in marriage, what actually counts is how happy you make the love of your life.
So, go and support your wife or husband as they have put enough on the line to lead a happy married life with you. Love them and cherish them, as what you have is a privilege and must be valued. Make the love last!
Devika Arora is a prolific writer who compiles relevant facts and analyzes current state of affairs pertaining to varied domains, such as employment, education, real estate and matrimony in the Indian context. She is currently writing informative articles, news stories and blog posts on behalf of Jeevansathi.com.